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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24939769">Make sure you're on mute...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychopersonified/pseuds/Psychopersonified'>Psychopersonified</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Are we ever going to talk about this? [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>James Bond (Craig movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Audio call, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humour, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, odd little family, technical mishap</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:33:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24939769</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychopersonified/pseuds/Psychopersonified</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Obligatory lockdown fic. </p><p>Q is on a voice call with the Heads of Department. James runs out of chores and becomes disruptive.<br/>Everyone gets an earful more than they bargained for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Bond/Q</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Are we ever going to talk about this? [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1763425</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>212</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Make sure you're on mute...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Obligatory lockdown fic. Was an unfinished fic from a while ago which I decided to finish.<br/>Might be a little late with this. But enjoy anyway. </p><p>Inspired by a Tik Tok video I saw.<br/>Herbie is a robot from one of my other fics.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Quartermaster's Residence </strong>
</p><p>James is bored. The world grinding to a halt because of a pandemic makes international spy work that much more difficult. He’s grounded as are all the Double-0s. Fortunately for him, he was in London when the order came down - unlike some of the others. </p><p>With nothing else to do, he’s now relegated to house chores and the role of Q’s live in lab tech. He’s bathed the cats, cleaned the bathroom, done the laundry and it is not even half past twelve. </p><p>He’s even taken apart the newest member of the family, Q’s larger lab version Herbie and given it a good clean and conditioning with WD40. Herbie had gotten into a fight with the Roomba last night after its deep learning algorithms failed to make sense of the vacuum and classified the persistent cleaner bot as a threat. Somehow Herbie managed to flip the Roomba over and eviscerate it, spilling the dusty contents everywhere. But aside from that little mishap, when lab version Herbie is not helping Q with precision soldering, the saucer sized robot makes an excellent playmate for the cats with its built in laser pointer.</p><p>James wipes down the kitchen counter and peeks in the oven, lunch is coming along nicely. The flat is for the most part quiet, which prompts him to check on the three little creatures to make sure they haven’t gotten into mischief. He cranes his head to look into the living room; fortunately now that they’ve tired themselves out grooming, the cats are napping on the floor in a spot of sun and Herbie is charging on its pad. </p><p>He sighs, drumming his fingertips on the countertop. His own playmate is busy on a call with the other Heads of Department that has lasted an hour. Audio only, to save bandwidth on MI6’s secure internal servers. From the looks of it, he’s losing the will to live. </p><p>Q hasn’t spoken in the last 15 minutes, so Bond guesses they’ve moved on from grilling Q-Branch about their expenditure. The younger man is spinning in his swivel chair to stave off boredom. If he isn’t careful, the seat will spin right off the central support. </p><p>Bond thinks he should add being a knight in shining armour to his morning task - rescuing the Quartermaster from a slow death by boredom. He can hear Accounts and HR politely exchanging barbs with each other over Q’s laptop speaker. </p><p>“Are they still droning on? You look like you’ve about lost your will to live.” </p><p>Q just nods, eyes squeezed shut, still spinning his chair.</p><p>Bond sits on the edge of the desk and grabs the armrests on the next rotation to stop spinning motion. Q raises an eyebrow at him. The cheeky smile on James’s face spreads wider. He dips down to steal a long noisy kiss. </p><p>“Hmm… you’re done with all the chores already?” two weeks into lockdown and Q is running out of ‘enrichment’ activities to occupy Bond with already. A creature like Bond was never meant to live in captivity. Without sufficient exercise and mental stimulation to burn off excess energy, James is starting to be increasingly disruptive to Q’s productivity.  </p><p>“Ironing is done, cats are bathed and dried and the bathroom is clean enough to eat off. Oh, and lunch is in the oven.”</p><p>“James, you’re not getting paid per chore, you can take your time you know,” how the hell is he going to keep this man occupied for the next few weeks?</p><p>“They’re not very exciting chores,” James huffs in frustration. </p><p>“I thought bathing the cats would at least get your adrenaline going…” the little scamps are usually a handful around water. </p><p>“They were very well behaved, you just need a firm hand with them. Speaking of firm hands… Could I… lend you one?” James pitches the question to him in a low suggestive voice as he slips off the desk to kneel between Q’s thighs. His hands proceed to roam up Q’s legs, giving the arse a squeeze then coming around to stroke the flat stomach before dipping back down dangerously. </p><p>“What are you doing?” Q hisses. <em>This is what he meant by disruptive! </em></p><p>“You’re awfully well dressed for someone working from home,” he responds, undoing the button of Q’s jeans. “Shall we make you more comfortable?” He surges forwards to undo the zipper with his teeth - hands holding on to Q’s hips to keep him in place. </p><p>That causes Q to gasp in alarm, “James, not now!” </p><p>“Hmm… yes now,” he replies dreamily, and mouths gently at Q though the soft material of his pants. </p><p>Q would have jumped right out of his chair of it weren’t for the strong hands holding him down,  “James, stop it! They’re going to talk about the printer ink budgets soon,” he sputters in indignation; even when the area undergoing treatment begins to stir.</p><p>James continues nuzzling, “Think of it as Interrogation Resistance Training, love. Let’s test if you’re capable of remaining clear headed, while I do my dammed best to suc—,”</p><p>::EXCUSE ME. There seems to be background noise coming through some of your channels.::</p><p>*THUD* Q falls off his chair for real, taking James along. Q ends up flat on his back, James on top of him. The chair rolls slowly away, as if dissociating itself from their disgraceful behaviour.</p><p>There is a chorus of whispers:</p><p>
  <em>::Who’s James?::</em>
</p><p>
  <em>::James from Regulatory?::</em>
</p><p>
  <em>::Or from security?::</em>
</p><p>
  <em>::No, thats Jamie.::</em>
</p><p>
  <em>::Why would—::</em>
</p><p><em>::—Could everyone not speaking, please make sure your mics are on mute? It’s very distracting for everyone else. Thank you::</em> Tanner requests curtly.</p><p>Q slaps Bond off him and scrambles back up to a kneeling position, supporting himself on his forearms on the desk. </p><p><em>NOoo!</em> His horrified expression says it all. He could have <em>sworn</em> he hit mute right after his last comment. With shameful resignation, he clicks ‘mute’ again… and double checks.  </p><p><em>::If I may, I’d like to remind everyone that while we’re all working from home, we are still a government agency and there remains an expectation to conduct ourselves professionally:: </em>Mallory this time, sounding particularly peeved. </p><p><em>Fuck-Fuckity-fuck-fuck.</em> Q rests his forehead on the tabletop cringing, his face burning with embarrassment. <em>Please move on, please move on</em>. </p><p>Also, mental note: Hack together a physical mute button; post-haste. Preferably one that has a visual indicator when activated. </p><p>
  <em>::Now that that’s sorted, shall we move on?::</em>
</p><p>James rises up behind him, resting his chin on Q’s shoulder. “You weren’t on mute?” he impersonates Captain Obvious. “Well, that's embarrassing,” James continues rumbling into his ear, hands resuming their roaming undeterred. </p><p>Q turns slowly to him, fuming. He’s in the doghouse now. Quickly he runs his eyes over the participant list, “There’s at least… twenty people on the call, no one will figure out,” he decides confidently, without a hint of apology. </p><p>A cheery tone interrupts Q’s impending tirade. They both turn to the internal messaging app on Q’s monitor. </p><p>Moneypenny: For goodness sake Q, lock your office!</p><p>Quartermaster: Tried that last week. He brought home his lock pick kit. </p><p>Moneypenny: You should invest in physical restraints if you want to work in peace. </p><p>Quartermaster: I’m not looking to encourage him!</p><p>Moneypenny: Ugh! TMI. </p><p>Quartermaster: What? No! Eve, you don’t understand dlkar;ket’br.F?VClfvmcx</p><p>“James!” Q yells as he is physically wrenched away from the keyboard in the middle of typing. </p><p>Moneypenny: Q?? Are you alright? Should I send emergency services?</p><p>Quartermaster: Eve, just the person I was looking for. Would you mind informing our pre-eminent head of departments that the Quartermaster will be unavailable for the next hour? Cat threw up on the carpet. Ta. Love, James.</p><p>Moneypenny: I’m M’s secretary, not yours! Leave him alone James!</p><p>“No, James… Mallory will have my head!” Q tries to wrestle the muscle-bound agent to regain control of his computer. And that was perhaps his mistake, because it was exactly what James was hoping for. </p><p>“I surely hope not. Because I’m going to be making use of your delightful head—.” They both grapple playfully on the floor for a bit; James enjoying the tussle a tad too much - before Q surrenders to whatever James had in mind for him. </p><p>Minutes later…</p><p>Q moans and writhes on his home office rug with James latched on to him like a bloody lamprey, tongue doing unspeakable things to him. “James you brute!” he gasps desperately when the proficient tongue passes over an incredibly sensitive area - blurring the lines between pleasure and pain, making his toes curl.</p><p>James is performing above and beyond his usual diligence. Engaging in inappropriate behaviour under the noses of authority figures as it were, must fuel his rebellious streak.</p><p>In the background, a voice over the speakers ask:</p><p>
  <em>::Does Q-Branch have anything to add regarding the new limit on paper usage?::</em>
</p><p>Silence…</p><p>
  <em>::*Ahem*… Eve here. I’ve just been informed that Q is indisposed at the moment. One of his cats ate something that didn’t agree with it.::</em>
</p><p><em>::Either of his cats called James, by the way?:: </em>A foolish soul pipes up, trying to be witty.</p><p>Snorts and snickers all around. </p><p>
  <em>::This might be a good time to remind everyone that the Quartermaster is capable of accessing your browser history, no matter how well you think you’ve scrubbed it::</em>
</p><p>Eve’s warning shuts everyone up immediately.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Here’s the robot that inspired this lab/home version of Herbie... imagine this thing waddling around Q’s home, playing the cats and fighting with the Roomba.</p><p>Bond uses a smaller spy version that in <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24658495">'Shadow Architect'</a> if you're interested. </p><p>
  
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